PLEASE TAKE TIME TO UNDERSTAND....

A Nickles Worth of Common Sense posted this blog post on Tuesday, June 29, 2010

"Why Openness?

Why do I believe in open contact even when families are dysfunctional, addicted or even actively participating in criminal acts?

Because I believe it's best for my kids.  I took my son to meet his biological father in a Federal Prison.  Was that easy?  Of course not.  It was scary and overwhelming and slightly nauseating, and that was just for ME, I cannot fathom what he was feeling, but it was still totally the right thing to do.

Why?  Because my son wanted to.  Because it's his truth and his reality.  Because he has a right to love his parent even if I would rather my kids never talked to anyone who has ever used drugs in their entire lives.

Because he needed to know with his own ears that he was loved BY THEM.

My love, my overabundant, over whelming, huge amount of pure lovefor my kids cannot erase their need and desire to be loved by their original parents.

And he needed to know it and hear it at five and six and eight and thirteen, not at 18 or 21 or whatever random age the state told him he was allowed to know.   Because he needed to know, for real, that I respected his needs more than I worried about my own insecurities.   Because he needed to see that I LIKED his biological parents good parts in order to truly believe deep down that I loved all of him too.

How could I deny him that?  How could I deny my child ANYTHING he needed even if that means I get really, really uncomfortable.

Is it easy dealing with things that I have absolutely ZERO life experience dealing with?  No.  Honestly, I never thought I would be traipsing to prisons to visit people important to my kids.  I never, ever fathomed that I would EVER have a police officer drop by to retrieve stolen property during a visit with anyone in my life EVER.  I didn't fathom a life where I had to explain to children why the person we are visiting once hurt them, and why it's ok to be angry at someone and then still be ok to love them.  I didn't expect to be comfortable explaining mental illness to a six year old or the effects of sexual promiscuity to a ten year old.

I have never so much as smoked a cigarette in my life so I never really thought I would have to understand intimately the power of addiction and its affect on my children.

But you know I really, really love my kids.  And they are really, really amazing kids and they are really, really worth it.

I understand that some would use any of the ample excuses at my disposal as a reason to close an adoption.   Run-ins with the police, active addiction, inappropriate gifts, uncomfortable situations, angry family members, criminal activities are all reasons we hear for closing up relationships.  My kids first parents live complicated, confusing, difficult lives.  That I do not deny. And I love them.

I love them because I see in their eyes the beauty that is my children.  I see that with a different life and different choices and different supports they could have and would have and most importantly SHOULD HAVE been safe parents to our children.  I see pain and broken hearts and hurting people.  And I see parents.  Parents who have little to give other than love, and that's ok with me.

These complicated, difficult people who make horrible choices in many areas of their lives treat me, and our family, with respect.  I don't know why they do, but they do.  So I trust them to love their children, our children, my children within the boundaries that are safe.  And they do.  And if ever we are not treated in a why I wish we were, I forget easily, forgive quickly and explain endlessly our boundaries.

Yesterday, after all the craziness of puppies and police, I watched my two year old be snuggled by her other mother.  The woman from whom she inherited her beautiful smile and striking eyes.  The woman from whom she inherited a curiosity that cannot be stated.  The woman who created her.  And that woman, that mother, said over and over again "I love you!  I love you!  I love you".

My two year old who can't sit still longer than 40 seconds may not value those words today, but I know she would one day feel their absence intimately.   She may never know what it costs both of the mothers sitting in that room to forge a relationship together, but she will know she was loved deeply by both of us.

And that is a good enough reason for me."

 original post found at http://anickelsworthofcommonsense.blogspot.com/2010/06/why-openness.html

The Beach Hotel...

we took the fam to san diego and spent 9 days playing at the beach.
as it turns out, all 4 of my boys LOVE the beach!

we had a blast
hanging out together
playing in the
sand
water
and
 pool
watching TONS of movies
and
eating DELICIOUS food.

HEAVEN!!!

the roughest part of the trip was for sure the plane rides but we fared surprisingly well, though next time we will definitely be driving!

Ike, the story Part 2:

well, after t texted me i couldn't go to sleep i was too excited! we were in the same state and we were going to go see her. i figured if i couldn't sleep dave shouldn't be sleeping either so i woke him up to tell him the news.... i probably should have waited to tell him.... his excitment was much more evident the next morning!

so the next day took we dinner over to her, antwann, her boyfriend, and her son lawarren. it was so much fun to just hang out with them. keanon and lawarren are VERY similar and get along great. the best part though was seeing isaiah sit on his mama tyhese's lap.

Part 1 1/2: My new Post-Ike Reality

have you ever found yourself taking important things for granted?
even worse, not remembering that you have been blessed at all?

i have gotten so caught up in the daily grind and just "surviving" that i have forgotten to stop and take time to remember all the amazing blessings i have.

for example... i was wasting time on facebook today and a adoptive family i know announced that they were just recently chosen by a birth mom to adopt her baby. this will be their 3rd child. for an instant i got jealous and thought why can't i be like that?

that is when i realized that i had truly lost it!

i AM like that.

i have 3 beautiful babies... the last of which found us instead of us having to find him. now that is a true miracle.

i have lost touch with my reality.

i have often read other women's blogs and thought i wish i could do that or i wish that would happen to me and forget to recognize all the amazing things i have been given.

i think that the reason i so easily forget is not because i am not grateful but because i don't concentrate on the wonderful things in my life.

i realize now that most of my energy lately has been spent on how "difficult" life can be. if i spent less energy thinking about the negitive in my life 

why i had a bad day or how i didn't get enough sleep or how the laundry never ends or how the house never stay clean or how my husband is "always" working
and more time focused on the positive
3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband who has a job he loves, great family, beautiful home, health and the gospel,
i think i could re-find my joy.

so, inorder to change my "poor me" thinking i have decided that i need put the emphasis of my life back on the positive.

but how?

i have decided to start with these three steps:

think about

document

and celebrate 

MY positive

and what more convinient place to "documet" the positive than here?

so on to Ike: part deux. FINALLY!

Delish!

isn't he???

Part 2 of his story coming as soon as I catch my breath, I promise!

This 3 kids thing has me a little off my game... but I am loving it!

Ike, the story Part 1:

so tonight is the night... the night i start writing down isaacs adoption story because well, one: inquisitive minds want to know, and two: i am quite sleep deprived and i don't want to forget any of the details...

it started from an innocent 3 am text near the middle of september 2010... not too uncommon as i do my best conversing at night... with isaiah's birth mother tyhese. she had been texting me the last few days from a 801 area code but since she often has pre-paid cellphones i didn't think much of it.

i asked her if she would ever want to see isaiah again she lives on the opposite side of the country so we haven't seen here since she went home a few days after isaiah's placement or if it would be too hard. she told me that she would love to see us again and asked me what i would say if she told me she was here in utah.

i told her that i would be "over the moon excited" and asked her how soon we could come see her.

then i asked the obvious question... "what are you doing here?" that is when i got the text that would eventually change our family forever...

she said she was 6 months pregnant with another boy and she was here to place him for adoption. my first thought and response was "who is the lucky family?" looking back now i feel kind of stupid but at the time having another child was the LAST thing on my mind.. i still had a baby... zaiah was only 14 months old.

i was in shock!

well, she texted back and told me that she hadn't picked one yet and that she wasn't due until the middle of december so she had plenty of time to choose. i was so excited to be able to take zaiah to see her that i didn't even think much about why she was here... hey, don't criticize me... it was 3 am after all and like i said i was in total shock!

Watch for part 2 tomorrow....

PS: just for eye candy and to make sure you actually come back tomorrow....

isn't he delish?