Ike, the story Part 2:

well, after t texted me i couldn't go to sleep i was too excited! we were in the same state and we were going to go see her. i figured if i couldn't sleep dave shouldn't be sleeping either so i woke him up to tell him the news.... i probably should have waited to tell him.... his excitment was much more evident the next morning!

so the next day took we dinner over to her, antwann, her boyfriend, and her son lawarren. it was so much fun to just hang out with them. keanon and lawarren are VERY similar and get along great. the best part though was seeing isaiah sit on his mama tyhese's lap.

Part 1 1/2: My new Post-Ike Reality

have you ever found yourself taking important things for granted?
even worse, not remembering that you have been blessed at all?

i have gotten so caught up in the daily grind and just "surviving" that i have forgotten to stop and take time to remember all the amazing blessings i have.

for example... i was wasting time on facebook today and a adoptive family i know announced that they were just recently chosen by a birth mom to adopt her baby. this will be their 3rd child. for an instant i got jealous and thought why can't i be like that?

that is when i realized that i had truly lost it!

i AM like that.

i have 3 beautiful babies... the last of which found us instead of us having to find him. now that is a true miracle.

i have lost touch with my reality.

i have often read other women's blogs and thought i wish i could do that or i wish that would happen to me and forget to recognize all the amazing things i have been given.

i think that the reason i so easily forget is not because i am not grateful but because i don't concentrate on the wonderful things in my life.

i realize now that most of my energy lately has been spent on how "difficult" life can be. if i spent less energy thinking about the negitive in my life 

why i had a bad day or how i didn't get enough sleep or how the laundry never ends or how the house never stay clean or how my husband is "always" working
and more time focused on the positive
3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband who has a job he loves, great family, beautiful home, health and the gospel,
i think i could re-find my joy.

so, inorder to change my "poor me" thinking i have decided that i need put the emphasis of my life back on the positive.

but how?

i have decided to start with these three steps:

think about

document

and celebrate 

MY positive

and what more convinient place to "documet" the positive than here?

so on to Ike: part deux. FINALLY!

Delish!

isn't he???

Part 2 of his story coming as soon as I catch my breath, I promise!

This 3 kids thing has me a little off my game... but I am loving it!

Ike, the story Part 1:

so tonight is the night... the night i start writing down isaacs adoption story because well, one: inquisitive minds want to know, and two: i am quite sleep deprived and i don't want to forget any of the details...

it started from an innocent 3 am text near the middle of september 2010... not too uncommon as i do my best conversing at night... with isaiah's birth mother tyhese. she had been texting me the last few days from a 801 area code but since she often has pre-paid cellphones i didn't think much of it.

i asked her if she would ever want to see isaiah again she lives on the opposite side of the country so we haven't seen here since she went home a few days after isaiah's placement or if it would be too hard. she told me that she would love to see us again and asked me what i would say if she told me she was here in utah.

i told her that i would be "over the moon excited" and asked her how soon we could come see her.

then i asked the obvious question... "what are you doing here?" that is when i got the text that would eventually change our family forever...

she said she was 6 months pregnant with another boy and she was here to place him for adoption. my first thought and response was "who is the lucky family?" looking back now i feel kind of stupid but at the time having another child was the LAST thing on my mind.. i still had a baby... zaiah was only 14 months old.

i was in shock!

well, she texted back and told me that she hadn't picked one yet and that she wasn't due until the middle of december so she had plenty of time to choose. i was so excited to be able to take zaiah to see her that i didn't even think much about why she was here... hey, don't criticize me... it was 3 am after all and like i said i was in total shock!

Watch for part 2 tomorrow....

PS: just for eye candy and to make sure you actually come back tomorrow....

isn't he delish?

Surprise!!!!

Isaac Warren McKenna was born Tuesday November 30th at 7:52 AM.

He weighed in at 6 lbs 12 oz and is 19 in long.

Isn't he precious?????

He was born at 36 weeks so he is spending a little spa time in the NICU.

Hope to have him home soon!

More details to come....

It just hurts....

Blah Blah Blah.... nothing seems to cut it...

even a blessed solid nights sleep

(thanks to 1/2 of one of Dave's muscle relaxing sleepy pills)

a sneak attack to my heart

almost forgot how hard it can be

(guess I can be greatful for that)

Miss you baby girl

Mama loves you

It's the little things...

that give us purpose in life....

like picking up a pair of cherished and WELL worn cowboy boots hastily taken off and left in the middle of the kitchen floor by one very adorable all though very BUSY 4 year old. Tonight I felt very lucky to have those little boots and a fair amount of other miscellaneous items left laying around by said 4 year old to put away. for the 75th time, incase you were wondering

My new Happy Place.....

Our Main Bathroom is Finally Finished!!!!

Me... Then and Now

2003

2010

Ever have a life altering thing happen and you know you will never be the same but the true impact of the event (the good and bad) will not be clear until years later?

Lately I have been seeing for the first time since my life altering event some of the consequential changes in me.

This on-going realization process all started about a year ago when Dave and I went up to Park City as usual for our anniversary. We were driving through the rural farm area and I had a realization.... the thought came to me and I wondered aloud... "when did I lose control?" Dave asked what in the world I was talking about and so I explained... When did I lose control over what I was becoming? I have been thinking about this question ever since. The answer I came up with kind of surprised me. I mean, I knew this major life event had altered me but I did not realize that it had changed who I essentially was. In many ways I have lost myself.

You see,

I used to be:

carefree

organized

energetic

fit

motivated

thin

girly

active

pontaneous

overly free-spirited

illogical

And I used to:

Take things for granted

Love to get all dolled up to go out

have an immaculately clean house and car

love to run

enjoy going out with friends

enjoy being creative

love going out with my husband

put myself first

spoil my husband

have a finite perspective and a I want it now attitude

Now I have become:

appreciative

over-weight

disorganized

tired

practical to a fault

grateful

empathic

non-judgemental

frumpy

calculated

lazy (for lack of a better word)

unmotivated

I Now:

stay home

HATE getting dolled up

never take care of myself

never make time for myself

put what little energy I have into my kids

neglect my husband

carry with me a eternal perspective and a "not my will but thine" attitude

It has become apparent that this event has changed me both positively and negatively. The new question I have been pondering is "Will I let this event FOREVER change me?"

There are the positive changes that I would like to keep such as:

the change in my perspective

my desire for my will to directly align with the lords

my empathy

the love and appreciation I have for being a mother

how content i am just to spend time at home

how practicality is actually a word in my vocabulary

how I now put others needs above my own

However there are many changes I would like to reverse.

I would like to re-learn how to:

spoil my husband

love exercise

organize my life

make time for myself

take care of myself

become fit and thin

re-gain a positive body image

to socialize

So what does all this deep analysis amount too?

I have decided that I want to become an active participant in my own life. I want to decide what I am becoming instead of letting life just have it's way with me!

It may take years but I am now on a quest to find myself and to BECOME what I want to be.

I am going to start by making time for me.

I think the first step is daily exercise....

Here it goes.....

Wish me luck

Hopefully a better and more complete me is just around the corner!

tonight at our house you will find...

dirty dinner dishes still in the sink

unfinished laundry on the stairs

two sleeping angels

cold stone ice cream

gotta have it size ofcorse

me and my bates cuddled up on the couch

watching TWISTER for the first time in years

ahh the simple things...