Ike, the story Part 1:

so tonight is the night... the night i start writing down isaacs adoption story because well, one: inquisitive minds want to know, and two: i am quite sleep deprived and i don't want to forget any of the details...

it started from an innocent 3 am text near the middle of september 2010... not too uncommon as i do my best conversing at night... with isaiah's birth mother tyhese. she had been texting me the last few days from a 801 area code but since she often has pre-paid cellphones i didn't think much of it.

i asked her if she would ever want to see isaiah again she lives on the opposite side of the country so we haven't seen here since she went home a few days after isaiah's placement or if it would be too hard. she told me that she would love to see us again and asked me what i would say if she told me she was here in utah.

i told her that i would be "over the moon excited" and asked her how soon we could come see her.

then i asked the obvious question... "what are you doing here?" that is when i got the text that would eventually change our family forever...

she said she was 6 months pregnant with another boy and she was here to place him for adoption. my first thought and response was "who is the lucky family?" looking back now i feel kind of stupid but at the time having another child was the LAST thing on my mind.. i still had a baby... zaiah was only 14 months old.

i was in shock!

well, she texted back and told me that she hadn't picked one yet and that she wasn't due until the middle of december so she had plenty of time to choose. i was so excited to be able to take zaiah to see her that i didn't even think much about why she was here... hey, don't criticize me... it was 3 am after all and like i said i was in total shock!

Watch for part 2 tomorrow....

PS: just for eye candy and to make sure you actually come back tomorrow....

isn't he delish?

Surprise!!!!

Isaac Warren McKenna was born Tuesday November 30th at 7:52 AM.

He weighed in at 6 lbs 12 oz and is 19 in long.

Isn't he precious?????

He was born at 36 weeks so he is spending a little spa time in the NICU.

Hope to have him home soon!

More details to come....

It just hurts....

Blah Blah Blah.... nothing seems to cut it...

even a blessed solid nights sleep

(thanks to 1/2 of one of Dave's muscle relaxing sleepy pills)

a sneak attack to my heart

almost forgot how hard it can be

(guess I can be greatful for that)

Miss you baby girl

Mama loves you

It's the little things...

that give us purpose in life....

like picking up a pair of cherished and WELL worn cowboy boots hastily taken off and left in the middle of the kitchen floor by one very adorable all though very BUSY 4 year old. Tonight I felt very lucky to have those little boots and a fair amount of other miscellaneous items left laying around by said 4 year old to put away. for the 75th time, incase you were wondering

My new Happy Place.....

Our Main Bathroom is Finally Finished!!!!

Me... Then and Now

2003

2010

Ever have a life altering thing happen and you know you will never be the same but the true impact of the event (the good and bad) will not be clear until years later?

Lately I have been seeing for the first time since my life altering event some of the consequential changes in me.

This on-going realization process all started about a year ago when Dave and I went up to Park City as usual for our anniversary. We were driving through the rural farm area and I had a realization.... the thought came to me and I wondered aloud... "when did I lose control?" Dave asked what in the world I was talking about and so I explained... When did I lose control over what I was becoming? I have been thinking about this question ever since. The answer I came up with kind of surprised me. I mean, I knew this major life event had altered me but I did not realize that it had changed who I essentially was. In many ways I have lost myself.

You see,

I used to be:

carefree

organized

energetic

fit

motivated

thin

girly

active

pontaneous

overly free-spirited

illogical

And I used to:

Take things for granted

Love to get all dolled up to go out

have an immaculately clean house and car

love to run

enjoy going out with friends

enjoy being creative

love going out with my husband

put myself first

spoil my husband

have a finite perspective and a I want it now attitude

Now I have become:

appreciative

over-weight

disorganized

tired

practical to a fault

grateful

empathic

non-judgemental

frumpy

calculated

lazy (for lack of a better word)

unmotivated

I Now:

stay home

HATE getting dolled up

never take care of myself

never make time for myself

put what little energy I have into my kids

neglect my husband

carry with me a eternal perspective and a "not my will but thine" attitude

It has become apparent that this event has changed me both positively and negatively. The new question I have been pondering is "Will I let this event FOREVER change me?"

There are the positive changes that I would like to keep such as:

the change in my perspective

my desire for my will to directly align with the lords

my empathy

the love and appreciation I have for being a mother

how content i am just to spend time at home

how practicality is actually a word in my vocabulary

how I now put others needs above my own

However there are many changes I would like to reverse.

I would like to re-learn how to:

spoil my husband

love exercise

organize my life

make time for myself

take care of myself

become fit and thin

re-gain a positive body image

to socialize

So what does all this deep analysis amount too?

I have decided that I want to become an active participant in my own life. I want to decide what I am becoming instead of letting life just have it's way with me!

It may take years but I am now on a quest to find myself and to BECOME what I want to be.

I am going to start by making time for me.

I think the first step is daily exercise....

Here it goes.....

Wish me luck

Hopefully a better and more complete me is just around the corner!

tonight at our house you will find...

dirty dinner dishes still in the sink

unfinished laundry on the stairs

two sleeping angels

cold stone ice cream

gotta have it size ofcorse

me and my bates cuddled up on the couch

watching TWISTER for the first time in years

ahh the simple things...

On Being a Chosen Mom...

As I sit here tonight after an especially rough "mom" day.... I think of my little men tuck in bed sleeping soundly and I cry.

They are worth the helpless feeling I have almost become accustomed too.

You see, motherhood is a tough honor.

It comes with no definitive answers or instruction manual.

And, for a woman who likes knowing the end from the beginning, the task of raising my precious little ones without an answer key often seems down right overwhelming.

Don't get me wrong....

I LOVE being a mother....

and I waited along time to be chosen to be one.

I just feel so under qualified.

I am humbled by their birth mothers faith in me as a mother.

I want to do right by them and by K and I.

But I often feel that I am falling short.

I would give anything for my babies and their birth mothers...

I just hope I can become equal to the faith they placed in me.

The Playset, SwingSet, or Slide

It's Dave here making my annual blog post. I'm not much of a blogger. I rarely post information about my personal life, although I do occasionally read other people's posts about their personal lives. I am only posting this because my sister requested it.

As many of you know, my wife had this "great" idea about getting an "Easter" playset for the kids. I was quite skeptical at first, but then finally agreed to go along with it. So, the shopping began. (Online shopping of course from the comfort of the couch.) The plan was to make the big purchase once we got the good old tax return back and shoot for an Easter unveiling. Fortunately, we got our tax return back much sooner than we expected. Unfortunately, "our" first priority was to buy the playset. This was mid-February, aka the dead of winter in Utah. So, the "Easter" playset which comes packaged as 10,000 different parts, soon became "K's birthday" playset. Excellent, I had a week to build it. I am a big fan of Legos and the "some-assembly-required" products for children. If you build it yourself then it costs less right? Wrong! Not when there are 10,000 - 100,000 pieces, it's the dead of winter, the dog's have pooped on every single inch of the backyard over the winter and it gets really cold once the sun goes down.

Sorry to make this such a long story. Well, thanks to my father-in-law, brother and cousin we finished this bad boy on K's birthday. Now I present to you K's Birthday Slide (that's what he calls it).

It is a thing of beauty, and yes it was a "great" idea. I've had a change of heart. K loves it along with all his friends and cousins.

Getting SOOOO Big....