This is Me Coming Out and Being Honest...

No this is not a tag where you get to see my house in it's true disarray. This is me facing the facts... being honest with myself and being willing to wear my heart on my sleeve. Most of you know that Dave and I were lucky enough to be chosen by one of gods amazing "angels" to adopt and raise Keanon 2 and 1/2 years ago. Katie is Keanon's Birth Mother and I adore her. We have a bond that has just astounded me but no, this is not what me "coming out " (Pardon the cliche) is about. Forgive my rambling.. this is a difficult subject for me. Any of you who know me have heard me say that I am not interested in having more kids.... specifically right now. This is where the honesty comes in..... I LIED!!!! Not on purpose, not to you, but to myself. I figured if I said we were done having kids the hurt and emptiness would go away. I also think that I was putting up a wall to protect myself. Adoption is AMAZING but DIFFICULT business. The waiting, the feeling there is something wrong with you, that you are not good enough or even that all the other waiting couples are more deserving. What it really comes down to is that I want nothing more than to be a Mom. Yes I am lucky to have 2 "angel" kids and 1 "Miracle" Child ( thanks Kate!!!!) And if that was all the lord saw fit to give us I would learn to deal with his help but I feel like our family is not finished yet. There is a hole or shall I say several holes that become very apparent when I least expect it. So what does this all mean? Well, the conclusion that we have come to is that our family isn't complete yet but unlike most "normal" families, we don't know exactly how to complete it. I feel that the path is pitch black and light less. Faith is believe in things hoped for but unseen so to that end I guess Faith is our answer. Trust in the lords plan and the missing pieces in our family portrait will fall into place. So for those of you who wonder what I do at 2 am when I can't sleep, now you know. This is just me being honest with myself. Thanks for indulging a slightly discouraged, worn around the edges, Mother! (Adoptive and Biological)
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Our "Adoption"

Journey,"Miracle" child, and

the "Angel" who made sure he found us.

PS. So what do you think? Is it time to start the adoption process again?

The Knights that say "NEE"

Anyone ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

This is how I keep Keanon occupied while Dave searches for sprinkler parts at Home Depot!

What do you think, the next "big thing" donned by the elite at Churchill Downs?

A True Classic!!!

YOU BELONG IN 1952!!!

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

PS. Thanks Erika.... this was a fun one.

Tubes... FINALLY!!!!!

Pre-Op

Post-Op

Home

He was a little trouper and was lucky to have Dr. Long as his anesthesiologist. (We had lost of experience with her while Amada was At PCMC and just LOVE her!) Dr. Muntz did a great job and Uncle Greg was able to be there while Keanon was being put under. He siad that Keanon didn't even try to push the mask off, but did keep trying to put his binki back in his mouth. The Binki... Our next big hurdle!!!

PS. You should have seen our little Mr. Ride off with Dr. Long in the wagon. As she took him to the OR and we headed down the other hall to the waiting room he just turned to us and said "Bye" while waving. Then further down the hall I could hear him say "ride"! Thank Heavens for wagons. Someone was a Freakin' Genius!

From this....

to this....

Only took 45 minutes.
New Record!!
Anyone else have a kid who takes what seems like FOREVER to acclimatize? I understand adapting takes time, but 45 minutes? Is this a normal kid thing or is Keanon just hyper-sensitive to routine variances? Or worse... am I doing something wrong? Every time we do something Keanon doesn't do EVERY day we run into the same problem.... fits and more fits. Any ideas on how to shorten the "acclimatization" phase? Transition ideas? HELP!!!!

When Daddy's Away.... His Son Will Play!!!!

I was importing pictures from our less used camera (yes we have two digitals,(Dave has an electronics fedish!) one is pro grade and huge thus less used) and found these. While Dave was in Brazil the first part of May, I was talking to him on the phone and what happenes? I hear Keanon say "Ma, it tuck (stuck)!" I went to see what was stuck and it turns out there were quite a few things"tuck" in the fish tank! Mr. K had unloaded my purse into our pristine fish sactuary!
I think the fish thought it was Christmas! The new "fish toys" left by one very mischevieous Mr. K included: toothbrush, lotion, eye glass cleaning spray, hair elastics and other various asundery of things!

This one's for you Greg!!!!

NEED I SAY MORE??????

Playing God....

So Keanon decided to natural selection into his own hands. We went to visit the ducks the other day and there was a new nest with two eggs in it. Well, there were also a few really cute ducklings waddling around on the othe side of the pond so I decided to get closer and take some pics. Well, I cannot count how many times I have told Keanon that he can look at the eggs in the nests but he can't touch them becuase he could hurt the baby duckies! Well, As I am taking pictures I turn around just in time to see something white and egg shaped fly through the air and land SLASH!! in the pond. This all happened in slow motion as I saw Keanon throw the egg into the pond and was so shocked I just stood there. It was like in the movies where the guy knows something bad is going to happen and everything goes slo-mo and he screams NOOOOOOOOO while trying to stop the inevitable. I was so devestated that my heart just sunk. Poor munborn baby duck. So I went over to the nest to check that I really did see a flying egg and sure thing... nest eggs short by one! Just to make positivly certian I check the pond and about 15 feet out there it was under 18 inches of water. I stood there wondering if I should go in after knowing that if I did Keanon would come in after me. Choosing my son's safety over the ducklings I just left it. The next day we went back to the pond and the egg was back in the nest! Someone with out a 2 year old must have felt just as bad as I did and put the egg back. Thank heavens for good sumeritians!!! Do you think the egg can still hatch?

Almost only counts in horseshoes...

Well, As you can see we are getting closer to the Kitchen being done but we are not there yet and as my Mom used to always tell me... almost only counts in horseshoes! I can't wait to have the upstairs construction dust but a distant memory!

List of "Honey Do's" still left:

Backsplash
Moldings
Base boards
Lighting
move stuff back in
Organize
Glass for doors
New Windows

Any of you men out there Jealous? Just checkin!

Can't Sleep

Keanon has a Doctors appointment tomorrow at ten. Nothing new right? No reason to feel apprehensive to the point of insomnia right? Well, let me vent a little. I haven't been back to Primary Children's since October 25th 2004, the day Amada passed away. I am the type of person who hates to have fear and apprehension control my life. So I usually deal with my fears head on. I didn't want to have to find detours when driving up by Primary Children just to aviod that rembering all those times making that"dreaded drive" so I forced myself to drive it several times right after Amada died. I have not however been able to make myself enter those massive glass doors. Well, Keanon's appointment tomorrow will require me to do just that! He is seeing a ENT at PCMC and I am nervous to say the least. Not about the appointment but about all the emotions and memories that may hit me the moment those doors open. I still remeber the first time I walked in to the lobby. The seriousness of my daughters situation hit me like a ton of bricks and I just broke down right there.... every time I went in after that it was the most difficult thing I did all day but I knew Amada needed her Mom so I did it for her. I guess now that is why I do it again... Keanon needs his Mom and I WILL NOT let my fears or the past get in the way!